Friday, April 24, 2009

Why you should date a geek

Back at my last job, I was having lunch one day with two female co-workers with some men-trouble. One wanted to be married (and pronto), while the other had a talent finding nice guys who quickly morphed into scrubs. They'd bemoan their issues over our Lean Cuisines (another side-effect of man-issues).

I recommended dating a geek.

They scoffed. Why date a geek? These were Cosmo-reading girls who knew what their purses' brands were without looking, practically the opposite of 'geek.' How could a geek be their soul mate?

So I wrote up a list.

They can fix your computer

You know those snarky shirts and bumper stickers that say "No, I won't fix your computer"? Those apply to casual friends, co-workers, parents, grandparents, and mysterious cousins that come out of the woodwork when they can't get their cracked copy of Half-Life to run. In general, they do not apply to wives and girlfriends, unless your aura causes boot sectors to crumble. At that point, they'll likely just have you get a Mac.

They always come home

One thing that amazed me was the complaint of co-worker #2 about how her boyfriend at the time hadn't come home for three days. There had been no fight. There were no relationship issues (besides the glaringly obvious ones). This was apparently fairly common after a 'night out with the boys.'

Geeks will always come home. You have their stuff. Main computer, backup server, server that they blow to bits once every few weeks, laptop, Eee PC they toy with, XBox 360, Manga collection... They don't really travel light when it comes to their prized possessions. At the very least, even if things start to go south, they'll come home to sort it out and get to their things before you rev up the eBay account.

They like couple time

In general, though, you don't need to hold their stuff hostage in order to get them to come home. They like couple time! Every geek I've ever dated has liked having together time at the end of the day. Watching TV, playing video games, having dinner: all things they enjoy rather than endure so that they might get some sex later on.

Note: Sometimes geeks will want you to get into what they like. You need to be broken in easily. I recommend Star Trek: Voyager, the new Doctor Who, and some of the classic 80's fantasy movies.

They're incredibly loyal

Geeks will come to blows over their programming languages of choice. They will defend a poorly aging OS rife with flaws to their dying breath. They have fanatical devotion to their text editors.

What do you think they'll do when it comes to a lover?

They're all romantics

Look at every major sci-fi and fantasy film or book that's come out since the turn of the century. Almost every one of them has one thing in common:


I'm not talking 'hot chick that the lead gets to bang at the end of the movie.' I'm talking real romance. Courtship. Long, flowing protestations of love. Pining after the love interest. Devotion. Most of the time, the lead doesn't even bang the girl during the movie, but it's implied they have a nice wedding and settle down properly.

It's not even a side story. It's usually the main focus of the story, or, at the very least, inexorably intertwined with the main story.

Many of them like kids

Sure, many of them complain about kids, but mostly, they're talking about the mall brats that orbit around oblivious parents and tear up everything in their path. Most geeks, when offered children who are not descended from the mongol hordes, take to kids rather fast. Geeks don't have a lot of shame when it comes to making a kid laugh. They're not going to worry if it makes them look 'un-cool.'

They'll also buy the kid stuff. Sure, it may be Cthullu dolls or weighted companion cubes, or big fuzzy twenty-sided dice, but it'll be stuff for the kid, and I bet the kid will love it.

One warning: Geeks breed geek children. The genes are strong. Keep that in mind.

So really, geeks are awesome to date. I've dated on both sides of the fence, and I've always reflected more positively on the geek side rather than the non-geek side.

This is all about guys! What about geek women!?

Geek women generally know their worth. We can be f'ing evil.

So guys: feel free to print this up and hand this out at the next occasion you're being forced to mingle. Maybe even make it into a keen iPhone app you can hand off, when you feel you need someone else to vouch for your virtues.


Reinout said...

I haven't laughed that hard in a week :-)

And yes, my wife is pretty happily married to someone that is loyal, fixes her computer, loves the two kids and likes to be together with her.

Keddren said...

I'd like to put it on record that I do not, in fact, have a manga collection.

Eddie Welker said...

The geeks that you've got to watch out for are the ones who would take their text editor over their girlfriend. :)

lifewithryan said...

Not to mention, some of us are dead sexy and great in bed... ;)

OH Yeah...and we have a sense of humor -- even about ourselves ;)

Gillou said...

When dating a lady, I use to confess I'm a geek as late as possible otherwise I'm pretty sure to join the hall of fame of the beautiful loosers.

eleddy said...

"Geek women generally know their worth. We can be f'ing evil."


Brian F said...

Still remember the courting of MrsTucadros. Was playing DAOC the most hardcore I'd ever done it, playing almost all day from like 3-4pm until 3-4 am. Then waking up at 6-7 to spent 8-3 with her, repeat. It was the deepest depths, addiction on both sides, and sleep lost out.

Then she saw me sieging a keep in DAOC and was like, hey that's cool. Slowly: Got her interested on city of heroes(character builder is designed for getting women to play imo, and the rest of the game is good for nothing but, as well~)

After that, she's like hey, what was that game you played with the castles etc? And I showed her in more detail, comparing class archtypes to the COH ones, and now she's hooked~ (on the cock)

Steve said...

I like being married so much I've done it three times. Doe this mean I'm triple-geeky?

kcunning said...

@steve - Obviously, sir, you were too much geek for just one woman to handle.